Best Seat in the House

Photo by Midge Frazel, 19 Nov 2014

Celebrating my 2,000th Blog Post
(bathroom humor on my birthday)

Recently, I broke a toilet seat cover after only four years of living in our condo. Hubs bought this one which is much sturdier. I need that because I sit on the cover to apply my makeup every day. I guess the cover was not meant to be sat on. Me without makeup is horrifying!

When he came home with the box, it reminded me of a funny Thanksgiving and Christmas event in my family history. It is the same brand name as the one in my story. Church is a funny name, isn't it?

I don't know how it began, but the adults in my grandmother's family drew names after Thanksgiving dinner with the idea that they can make fun of the person whose name they drew, as long as they made a poem to go along with the gag gift.  After I went to bed on Christmas Eve, the grownups gave each other the gag gifts. 

As the only child in the family, I can only remember the laughter coming up the stairs as I was trying to get to sleep on Christmas Eve. I think of it every Christmas Eve. Laughter is important to remember.

My father drew my mother's name. He loved to write poetry so that was NOT a problem. Choosing what to make fun of WAS a problem. My mother was easily annoyed and could hold a grudge for a long time so he had to pick his battles carefully. 

One morning, right after Thanksgiving, she complained (again) about how cold the bathroom was at our house. 

My grandmother's house was heated with radiators and she turned them full blast in the bathrooms all of the time. At first, it was so hot, you couldn't breathe but you got used to it after a couple days. Over that Thanksgiving, we stayed at my grandmother's house as my dad worked near the house and my mother considered going there as her vacation from cooking and cleaning. 

I don't think my grandmother was too pleased with this arrangement. I loved going away for Christmas and Gramma loved having me to talk to. We were a lot alike.

My father went shopping and bought his gag gift which was a new toilet seat because the box said it was the "best seat in the house" (my box still says that on the back). He wrapped it and hid it at my grandmother's house on his way home from work. A sacred gift, he said because it was made by Church. Then, he would laugh.

The poem was hilarious. I wish I still had it. It made fun of my mother to a "T" with plenty of references to her unhappiness at living in a tiny house with only one bathroom. (My father grew up with a house that didn't have indoor plumbing, so he was not sympathetic! )

My mother was so delighted with an improvement to the bathroom, she paid no attention to his poem. The rest of us laughed and laughed. Every time, after installing the new seat, when she headed for the bathroom, he reminded her it was the "best seat in the house". Those funny moments warm my heart now that everyone but me is gone. 

By the way, my new toilet seat closes silently when you just give it a little close. That's good because I can hear the laughter better every day.